Hello, hello, my merry friends, it fills me with delight,
To see so many happy smiling faces here tonight,
I’ve seen a good few cheery crowds, in many an Orkney hall,
And I think that here in Shapinsay, ye’r the happiest o’ them all.

Noo, I belong to Harray, it’s a land o’ tribulation,
Of poverty and nakedness and absolute starvation,
So I thought I might forget aboot me worries and me cares,
If I spent a night in Shapinsay, among the millionaires.

For Shapinsay is known to be a very wealthy island,
The people are so very rich they canna keep from smiling.
And the secret o’ yer great prosperity in me opinion,
Is the leadership and guidance o’ yer local fairmers union.

Noo, I’m sure that you’ll agree that they’re a very brainy crew,
The Shapinsay contingent that have joined the NFU,
They always make a great success of everything they try,
So, I’ll mention two three o’ their names tae show the reason why.

The President is David Scott and everybody kens,
That he’s the driving force that keeps them gaun at Balfour Mains,
He’s never come a cropper, for he’s conscientious very,
He’ll spend the whole night sittan wi’ a mink that’s gaun tae ferry.

The Vice-President’s a genius, the talented John Skea,
He’s grand at writing poetry, fower times as good as me,
I think his poetry’s beautiful, it gives me quite a thrill,
And I think his daughter Maisie Skea, is even bonnier still.

The Secretary’s just the man the NFU requires,
A level headed man is Willie Muir o’ Brecks and Myres,
And there was a time in Shapinsay, when every coo and stot,
Looked forward to their hurl doon to the pier in Willie’s float.

And Tommy Groat is in the committee, it would appear,
And he can fairly train a horse or haud the ploo I hear,
And his views on love and courtship are so very very nice,
That the Minister’s fiancée even wrote him for advice.

And anither member of the committee I’m gaun tae sing aboot
Is Colin Rendall, he got married in the Spring,
And his coo was champion at the show, he’s won his heart’s desire,
He now has beauty in the hoose and glamour in the byre.

And David Rendall, Waltness, is in quite a happy mood,
For their kye have passed their T.T. test and every lug’s tattooed,
But Davie’s T.T. test wis wi’ a different kind o’ dope,
The night he lost his cookies, cycling homewards fae the shop.

And I hear that Dennis Eunson’s gaun tae leave the Orkney scene,
He says he’s needin nursing, so he’s gaun tae Aiberdeen,
For although he’s in the best o’ health and mentally alert,
He’s bothered wi’ a yuckie kind o’ feeling in his hert.

And Wullie Mainland’s no a man you’ll ever hear compleenin
Bit he says a fencing post’s a nasty kind o’ thing tae lean on,
For we heard a yarn in Harray, it’s supposed tae be a fact,
That he leaned against a post one night and landed on his back.

And Geordie Work o’ Crossgates is a chap wi’ great ambition,
And very hard tae beat at any kin o’ competition,
A very social kind o’ chap, his company’s a treat,
For he’s a merry hearted guy, a man I’d like to meet.

Noo, I’ll mention David Work o’ Ness, a man that’s widely kent,
He’s yer Agricultural Association’s President,
A keen competitor at Shows, a ploughman of repute,
He won a lot of silver cups and fills them time about.

I’ll mention yet anither Work it’s worth your time to know,
And that’s the longboard ploughing champ, Jim Work o’ Girnigoe,
He’s an expert wi’ poultry and he’s full o’ vim and vigour,
But he taks a lot o’ watching, he’s a gey illtrickit beggar.

And we know that Malcolm Nicolson’s a real giant killer,
A famous County Councillor, a farmer and a miller,
And if he whistles tae a horse, he’ll mak the brute obey,
But he never whistled at the girls, he kent it widna pay.

And your postmaster Tom Sinclair’s an expert at dosing sheep,
And shoving aspirins doon the throats o’ kye that canna sleep,
He fairly maks the animals forget aboot themsels,
They get so interested in the stories that he tells.

And Jim Foubister o’ Hilton is a right weel doin chappie,
He’s got the fairm in shape and noo he’s most supremely happy,
And a wife like Mrs Foubister wad suit me very well,
For I never see the road gaun hame fae Harvest Homes mesel.

And Mackie Heddle is a plooman worth tae tak a wup wi’,
For he can mak a ploo himsel tae tak a silver cup wi’,
He shines at plooin matches in the horse and tractor classes,
But never seems tae mak a match wi’ ony o’ the lasses.

And Jackie Hepburn’s an expert at ony kind o’ work,
He’s a plooman and a coastguard and can feed a yearling stirk,
And sometimes at weekends he does a night watch on the sly,
For James o’ Hannatoft, he thinks might need the breeches buoy.

And noo I’ll name anither man whose doin very well,
Jim Scott of Liviness that owns a temperance hotel,
His guests get soup three times a day, and faith I’m no surprised,
For it’s made o’ bitties oot o’ lugs o’ calves that’s subsidised.

And a very level headed chap, a man you canna rattle,
Is Mansie Work, he’s better known as Mansie o’ the Suttle,
At getting back his ain at tricky lads he’s gey proficient,
They hae tae go tae him tae get their cars de-requisitioned.

Anither man that weel deserves a verse is Billy Skea,
A very loyal postman and an excellent MC,
At gardening his energy and knowledge are immense,
And he thinks a tin hat’s Britain’s finest weapon of defence.

And Jim Sinclair, Astley Cottage, is a most terrific guy,
As a merchant and a joiner and I don’t ken whit forby,
He keeps a stock o’ boxes, the only thing he lacks is
A special kind o’ crane for liftin young chiels oot o’ boxes.

Noo, you must be awfu fond o’ birds in Shapinsay because,
You keep a Westray auk among you, George o’ Flackiemoss,
But he’s an ex distiller and a pretty handy guy,
To advise you how to do some “private stilling” on the sly.

And Alfie Learmonth I’ve been told can fairly feed a coo,
But he disna venture ower the scrats at plooing matches noo,
He says that if he crossed the scrats, it fair wad cause a clammer,
And athlete Walter Rendall might get mad and throw the hammer.

Noo, I’m absolutely certain that you’ve heard enough o’ me,
And yer anxious tae get crackin wi’ the evening’s jollity,
So I’d like you all tae give three hearty cheers right here and noo,
For the leading lights o’ Shapinsay, your worthy NFU.